I just lost my dearest friend in the world to cancer.
From her diagnosis to her death it was only three weeks. She was a heart sister and my tears are flowing a lot. I cannot imagine my life without her….but I will have to. Of course energetically she is always with me but it’s not the same when you cannot give the person you love a hug anymore or pick up the phone and hear their voice. My dear friend is most likely happily frolicking in the Light drinking tea or a glass of red wine. We are the ones who suffer in our grief as we miss those who have gone before us.
Grief and death surround me most of the day so I decided to pull out my Tarot cards. How could the Tarot cards help me with her passing? How could I get through this time?
For me and I also assume for many people grieving there are two main questions we have:
Is the person who passed away, OK?
How will I cope with the grief?
So I created a Tarot card spread around these actual questions and it really helped me. Today I am sharing it with you because it may help you.
I called it ‘The Grief Tarot’ spread.
I thought about the design of the Grief Tarot spread and how many cards I wanted. I imagined the river Styx as a metaphor for dying. The river Styx in Greek mythology has to be crossed by the dead to get to the underworld, called Hades. On one side of the river a person is alive and on the other side of the river the person is dead.
So my design of the spread used the river Styx as the main symbol. On one side three cards represented me. On the other side three cards represented my dear friend. The river and her death process is represented by 3 cards in the middle. I used two crystals my son found in the desert the week my friend died and I used them to show the flow of the river in between the cards.
This Grief Tarot spread can be used to read about someone you lost recently or even further back in the past. You can also use this spread for any loved one that passed away that is not human, such as a loved pet.
I have incorporated ritual into the Tarot spread because I’m that type of woman. You do not need to. Do whatever feels right for you.
When you ask the questions in the Grief Tarot Spread you may get very clear information come through, especially if your loved one has recently died. You may even feel you are getting a direct message from them. Be open to this. If you feel slightly fearful of hearing from a ‘dead person’ then first imagine white protective light around you before you throw some Tarot cards. This will keep you safe and allow only good energies to come in.
THE GRIEF TAROT SPREAD
Find a quiet space and time. Make sure you will not be disturbed. If there is particular music your loved one liked, then play it in the background. If you have a picture of them also have it close. Use a beautiful cloth to lay the cards out on to show respect. Light a candle – white or black. Light some incense or aromatherapy oils.
Sit down and imagine yourself sitting inside a white bubble of light and love. No harm can come to you in this space. Feel safe and when you are ready – start. Set the intention that you are going to do the Grief Tarot spread.
Now shuffle the cards, lay them out face downwards in a fan shape. Ask the following questions and pick the cards as described below. See the picture for the layout.
THE THREE CARDS ABOVE
Ask the question: What can I do to help myself during this time of grief?
Pull three cards and lay them out face downwards in a line. These three cards will sit at the top of the Tarot spread in a line.
I am assuming that the three cards will often be Minor Arcana cards – practical tips for you to help yourself. Sleep more, rest more, eat well, allow yourself to grieve etc. For example Cups may indicate how you can cope with the emotions, Pentacles and Wands would be how to physically be and Swords would be how to help your state of mind.
THE THREE CARDS IN THE MIDDLE
Ask the question: Was (name the deceased) ready to die?
Pull one card. Lay it out face downwards below the three cards. Tilt the card slightly to the right. Place a crystal, stone or anything which is significant for you or your loved one to the right of the card.
This is an important question. Often a person is ready to die but sometimes they are not. Sometimes they are in shock.
If you feel these cards are negative then it is important to note the advice of the last three cards at the bottom of the spread, because it can guide you on what to do.
Ask the question: Is (name the deceased) at peace now?
Pull one card. Lay it out face downwards slightly slanted to the right next to the previous card. Place a crystal, stone or anything which is significant for you or that person to the right of the card.
If you feel these cards are negative then it is important to note the advice of the last three cards at the bottom of the spread, because it can guide you on what to do.
Ask the question: Does (name the deceased) have a message for me?
Pull one card. Lay it out face downwards slightly slanted to the right next to the previous card.
Often a loved one wants to give us one final message. Often this happens in dreams. People have told me how their loved one came months after they died and told them to move on and stop grieving. My own Granny came to me several times with messages. Using the Tarot cards is another way to communicate with your loved one.
THE THREE CARDS BELOW
Ask the question: Is there anything I can do to honor and/or help (name the deceased)? Pull three cards and lay them out face downwards in a line.
If the first two middle cards were positive then this question will obviously be about how to honor your loved one.
If the first two middle cards were negative then these cards will help you understand what you can do to help. You may need to pray. You may need to ask for help from a healer, shaman, priest, nun or religious member of your community. You may need to forgive the deceased for something. They may need to forgive themselves or let go of something. When I trained as a shamanic practitioner I found that often those who were stuck between worlds were hurt and angry. They needed to vent and be understood and guided towards the Light.
Sometimes our loved ones do not want to move on because they are worried about us. They deny themselves the path to the Light. Then we need to let them go. To love them enough to say good bye.
Obviously this is a big Tarot reading and not one that should be taken lightly. Making it sacred with a little simple ritual before and after helps the cards deliver the message.
Try not to jump to interpretations straight away. Feel what is coming up for you. Try and reach inside and see what the pictures mean to you. What are they saying? What is your intuition whispering?
When I did this spread the strongest card was the message from my friend. She was fine and happy but she had strong advice for me. It was clear and powerful and something my friend reminded me about whilst she was still alive.
Advice I have taken on board.
Who will you use this Grief Tarot spread to connect with?
Grief is part of life, but I hope this Tarot spread can help you a little to come to terms with your loss.
